so happy but so blue at the same time

At Lance-apalooza I met this German exchange student named Isabell, she’s about my height with a beautiful face and long natural blond hair. After Lance-apalooza was over, all my friends and her went to a racket ball court. We hit it off and I feel so connected to her. The lights turned off and all my friends left and her and I kissed and we cuddled at those racket ball courts and it felt the closest I have ever been to another human being. 

Tonight we skyped for 2 and a half hours and she made me keep talking to her until she fell asleep and it was so great. She was really tired and with that German accent it was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.

But here’s the shit part

She leaves in two weeks. It is so shit, that I feel so close to this girl and she leaves in two weeks. Back to Germany where I might never see her again. It bums me out so much. It’s not fair that she is just thrown into my life, and then fished back out. I hate it and it’s not fair and I don’t want it to happen. 

fuck.

constant shit

I get constant shit from everyone around me. I just want a fucking break. What is the god damn problem with everyone. Everyone has a shit excuse for being mean to be and I’m fucking done with it.  

My parents give me so much shit for what I do or what I don’t do. I cannot do anything right in their eyes and I am done with that bullshit. I want to go on a fucking road trip forever. I want to get out of this god damn house. Nobody ever wants to do anything fun.

I don’t even want to do Lance-apalooza that much. Everyone else wants me to do it and they’re a bunch of unappreciative bastards. 5 people said thanks for the last one out of the 50+ that came. I don’t like the majority of people I went to school with and I don’t want to do this show. Especially for the amount of flak I am getting from my parents. All they do is worry about shit they don’t worry about. 

I am the master of my own fate